Perhaps you’ve seen this: The Washington state Public School system’s fifth grade final exam, from 1885. I have reproduced a portion of it, below, primarily the grammar and drawing sections. There are many opinions on it. Having been a public-school teacher after Covid, I can confidently say that 70 percent of high school students wouldn’t make it past the instructions. Whether from learned helplessness, apathy, or ignorance, after glancing at the sheer amount of text, all across my classrooms, their eyes closing and foreheads coming to rest upon their forearms, whether going to sleep or going to pretend, the quitters, punting on the very thought of effort and trying to render themselves invisible within their desks, would sit salivating like Pavlov’s dog, one eye trained on the clock, awaiting the class change bell.
Of the remaining 30 percent, 90 percent would fail with a grade below a 70. Half of those would have to be bumped up to a 50 from a much lower score, to ensure that the exam grade would not have an inordinate impact on their overall average, thus mitigating their failure. Of the remaining three percent, unless the class roster contained at least fifty students, none would earn an “A.” At the end of the semester, prodded by a stern and condescending email from administration, teachers would be strongly compelled, though not required, to raise every failing student’s grade to a 70, because the student’s failure is, in actuality, the teacher’s failure. Those teachers who choose to fail those who failed the exam, anyways, will be formally reprimanded and the reprimand will be signed and kept in their file, with or without their signature. All will graduate, because no child may be left behind, and every child must succeed.
Now, you may be thinking, “Gtfoh! Who u think u fool n nigga. I bet yo azz cant pass dis dam test e ther! LOLOLOLOL!” Das cap fa real.”
Or, “What kind of narcissist would knowledge-shame his subscribers in order to inflate his own ego? You’re an idiot for trying to compare eras without taking into consideration the particular systemic and politico-economic factors that need to be prioritized in a diverse and technologically efficient society. You’ve said nothing original, here.”
Or, “Okay, Boomer.”
Or, “LOL. Right, bro. And while we’re at it, let’s go back to driving horse and buggies and dying in hoards from the flu. What are you, a Luddite or a moron? Go back to 1885, dumbass.”
And I’d say to all: “You prolly right. Try the test anyways.”
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